LONG DAY!

Today Sam, Nate, and I went "tree chopping." We decided that because of the recession, and because it's more fun, that we should just cut down our own christmas trees. It was really cold but alot of fun. We went out to Clarks Pond and cut down Sam and Nates tree than came back home to eat some lunch. after lunch we decided that we should try and look up the road from our house, once we found a place to pull over, we slid on the ice into a ditch! This wouldn't have been so bad if I was driving my own jeep, but I was driving my Dads truck, something I've done before but I'm not great at it because it's got like three gears. To make matters worse, there was an old asshole hunter staring at us trying to get out the whole time. He came over, said something, and then walked away to watch from the distance. Than another hunter came and he was also rude to us. He locked in the hubcaps to make life easier, than went on his way to murder a helpless deer. So needless to say, we were all super embaressed. BUT I did end up getting out, with Sam and Nate pushing me, but we made it.
Than I realized how the old asshole hunter probably thought that we were going up there to get high, and not cut down a lovely christmas tree. I felt super judged, something that I can't fix, but it still bothered me. I don't like the fact that this man sees three young people out in a truck, then drive into a ditch, just to turn around and leave, and assume we were there to get high or drink. I know that he can't tell that I myself have been clean for over three years, and that my sister is almost at her one year, but the feeling of being judged SUCKED!


So other than that, life is good. Josh is out bowling with his other employees, and it's difficult for me. I could have gone, but I didn't want to seem like I didn't trust him, and he never does anything without me, so I thought this was a good opportunity for me to work on my "bad thoughts" while he gets to learn how to have fun without me. =( what a drag. It wouldn't be so bad but this girl that just started working there ALWAYS flirts with him, and it drives me up the wall. Mom and Sam say that I shouldn't worry because Josh loves me, but I've been walked all over before, and I'm scared it will happen again. Not that I don't trust Josh, because I do 100 percent, it's my mind that speaks louder than my heart. Which isn't fair to him, and I beat myself up everytime I have to ask if she flirted with him today. UGH! I hate having to ask, and I shouldn't, but something inside me overpowers that and asks anyways. Josh has never done anything to break my trust, but I just have so much love for him I'm afraid he'll find something in her that I lack. I can't be perfect, and he loves me regardless of that, and that's why I love him. But as the day got closer and closer for him to go out without me, even with that girl, some how I felt peace with the fact. I think that I thought about it so much, that I'm having a reverse thought about it....if that makes sense. I trust him, that's what I keep telling myself, which is good, because I'm starting to notice a tad bit of difference in my thought process.